Self-Portraits: Motherhood

Why is that Mums tend to be the designated photographer?

I hear it pretty much every time I talk to friends and shoot my families.  It means so much to us to be Mum, yet we have so much trouble getting in the frame with our partners and our children.

Why is this?

Is it because it’s not easy.  Is it due to a level of vanity?  Is it because we don’t like to see the truth (that we look a bit knackered and we’ve got spit up in our hair)?  Is it because we’re the only ones who remembered to bring the camera and therefore it’s our responsibility to capture the moments?

And yet whilst all this is going on, we’re missing out on so much.  We’re missing being in the moment.  We’re missing capturing OUR moments.  And ultimately our children will miss us too when they look back and go “Mummy, did you come on that holiday with us?”

Last year, as I looked back through our photographs I realised that there were pretty much none of me.  Now this isn’t a nag at my husband (well, maybe a tiny bit), but it is sad.  The problem is.  I take my DSLR everywhere.  And it’s set up for me.  So if I want Andy to take a shot or a stranger, I hand them the camera, and no matter how clear I am about what they’ve got to do, I can guarantee that the image will be blurred.  Guarantee it.  Back-button focus WTF?  – Fellow Togs – you know what I’m saying is right, eh?  And to be honest, I enjoy taking the photographs.  It’s when I’m taking personal photographs I get to experiment, have fun, and actually learn – more about myself and my abilities as a photographer, so I’m happy to do it.

But this now means, I have no images – nothing that really ‘sings’ to me about what Motherhood means to me, and also to Harry.

So since last year, but mostly this year to be fair, I have made it a mission to get in the frame more.

As much as it’s nice to hire a photographer to do this for you also, when I take images of myself with Harry, I can capture our relationship in a way that possibly another couldn’t.  It’s from my perspective.  I’m not saying that the selection of images that I have posted here are especially emotional or meaningful or full of symbolism.  There not.  Hell no.  I look at other photographers and their self-portraits are simply stunning.  And there is such thoughtfulness, soul, essence of woman in them.  But mine, well, lets say I’ve tried a few of those.  And um.  I’m not quite ready to share those yet.  I don’t think I’ve found inner peace with the artist within – for the sake of sounding a bit mad, a bit pretentious and a bit arty-farty!

Instead.  When I try to create some of those beautiful lost soul sorts of images with Harry, they pretty much always end up with us bouncing on the bed or with a foot in my face.  But you know what.  That’s where we are right now.  That’s our life together.  If I tried to take a photo of Harry and I in the shower together, looking all thoughtful and solemn, it would probably look ridiculous.  Because I’m pretty sure Harry would just want to wiggle his little butt cheeks at the camera!  It just wouldn’t happen.

So here are our self-portraits of motherhood.  One day, I’m sure my artist within will rise and I will be able to create those dark and moody images I long to, but in the meantime, I’m happy with these.  At least I’m in them.

Oh, and next stop is Self-Portraits of Family.  All three of us.  That’s my summer mission.  We have the saddest collection ever of family photographs – and that has to change.  I look forward to sharing those with you.  Andy – you better be on board Mr.  Or I’ll have to whoop that ass of yours!  ;o)